Entry 12: Sydney, Auckland, Hamilton, Raglan, Rotorua, Wellington, Napier, Christchuch, Queenstown

Hello again.

Well, following my tirade at the end of my last blog regarding the performance of the English cricket team they seem to have taken heed of my criticism and overturned the 1-0 deficit, to win the series with New Zealand 2-1. Perhaps they are readers of 'I'm glad it's me and not you!' and were all distraught at the thought of letting me down....you never know.

Having arrived in New Zealand only planning to attend the first test match I soon changed my plans upon discovering that a 5 day pass to a test match came to NZ$70 (£28). This resulted in me becoming what I could only describe as a 'cricket groupie', hassling and bothering celebrities of the world game in a quest for photographs, signatures and a word or two. Assisting me on this quest were Giles and a friend we made along the way called Ryan. Together we are now known in the cricket world as cricket stalkers. I heard they have been passing our mug shots around in India in the build up to the IPL, along with the instructions to 'shoot on sight'.

Before heading off to New Zealand my final weekend in Sydney saw me venturing out to the cities annual Mardi Gra celebrations. People kept telling me that Sydney is now the gay capital of the world, after apparently surpassing San Francisco last year, so as you can imagine it was quite an evening. Thousands of people piled onto the streets of Sydney to watch the parade, which I think lasted for around 4 hours. That's one hell of a lot of campness.

Upon arriving in Auckland, where it was raining (at this point I was worried my luck with rain had followed me to New Zealand), Giles and I rented a car (thankfully a lot more economical than the Ford Falcon in Sydney) and headed to Hamilton. At this point can I just recommend that if anyone ever travels to New Zealand then do not waste any money on a curry, they are all rubbish. Former England captain Nasser Hussain was in the first curry house we ventured into, so the night wasn't a total waste. We didn't manage to find out what Nasser thought of the curry, but I'm fairly certain he would have eaten elsewhere for the remainder of the test match.

After spending our first night in a car park we managed to find a camp site to spend the rest of the week in, and then headed to the first days play. Luckily the weather on the north island was fantastic, which helped to soften the blow of witnessing a pathetic English performance over the next 5 days. Giles was quick to offer his thoughts on how the match had played out.
Fortunately on the final morning of the test we ran into the outspoken Geoffrey Boycott. The ‘lesser spotted Boycott’, as we had come to know him due to his crafty ability to avoid attention, was actually quite happy to sign and pose. I invited him around to Chez Vincent on my return to England for Sunday lunch, though I couldn’t give him an exact date on when that would be.

In a bid to erase the memories of the cricket from our minds we then spent a night in Raglan, a delightful town on the west coast known for being something of a haven for surfers. This gave me another chance to battle waves, and sure enough after being spun around by the washing machine that is the Tasman Sea for an hour and a half I was suitably exhausted, having failed to stand up on the board once.

Luckily the Wellington test match went a little more to plan and on the final day, following Ryan Sidebottom’s catch to secure the win, we were lucky enough to wander onto the oval and even bowled a couple of balls on the test wicket just hours after the match had finished. A brief meeting with Kevin Pietersen - in which I made a joke which went down like a lead balloon – and Ryan Sidebottom followed to make a fantastic day even better.

Away from the cricket I would say that Wellington was the nicest of the cities I’ve visited in New Zealand. Sadly that can’t be said for its rugby ground, the Westpac stadium (aka the cake tin), which is probably the blandest sporting arena I have ever seen. On the plus side security at the stadium is dreadful, meaning I managed to walk straight onto the pitch, before then giving myself a little tour of the changing rooms and various other internal workings.

A slight mix up with dates (not the first time since leaving home I must admit) meant that I arrived in Napier for the final test 2 days early. This proved to be perfect for my cricketing meet and greet tour though, allowing me to complete my collection of photos and signatures with the team at a net session. Sadly this did mean that I missed the final day of the series as England wrapped things up. I couldn’t complain too much though, after seeing 14 of the 15 days of test cricket on offer. Overall I think watching test cricket is possibly the best life anyone can live. If I could do it full time then I think my life would be fairly close to being complete. I think my highlight came when Jonathan Agnew read out a text I had sent into the New Zealand version of Test Match Special, inviting him to share a load of washing with me after he ran out of clean briefs. The invite was turned down.

Christchuch was my next stop on my tour of New Zealand, where I was able to enjoy some free accommodation with Giles. In order to see a little of the surrounding area we rented a car to take a trip to the Banks Peninsular and Akaroa. Having had a rather heavy evening the night before, the first major problem that arose was opening the boot of the car. After several minutes of scratching our heads, reading the manual and calling the rental company, Giles’s housemate Kelly cracked the code, meaning we were able to take belongings with us on the road trip. In the end it was all worth it when I witnessed possibly the most impressive sunset I have seen so far on my travels.

Next up came Queenstown, the adventure capital of New Zealand, if not the world. Having heard a lot about riverboarding I was intent on making sure that was one activity to tick off on my ‘to do’ list. It didn’t quite go as planned though, and after a slight problem at the first set of rapids I pulled an absolute ‘Swifty’ and was quickly given the tag of safety hazard, resulting in me having to spend the rest of the course attached to a guide who wouldn’t let me go for fear of not seeing me again. It was slightly embarrasing I've got to admit.

The other worrying factor to hit me in Queenstown was the temperature. For this first time since I left Ushuaia at the end of October I felt cold, and suddenly I realised that the last few months have turned me into a wimp. The first sign of a chill and I retreated straight to my thermals. The next few months could be uncomfortable unless I toughen up quickly.

Anyway, I'm off to Australia again on Tuesday, so my next entry might involve a visit to a certain street in Erinsborough.

Ciao.

Vinny/Ian

A few observations:

Crime in New Zealand seems pretty non-existent, so the majority of the time the news is just a round up of car crashes that have happened that day.

One way they keep the crime level down is by making sure all knives are blunt. I know this as I haven’t been able to cook with a sharp set of blades since I arrived in the country.

Germans are the loudest nationality on Earth.

Entry 11: Sydney

Hello again.

Good news people. I no longer live in a youth hostel. This may not mean a great deal to you, but to me it is right up there with Steve McClaren and his umbrella leaving Soho Square for the last time.

I am currently living in Bondi, just a stones throw from the beach. The weather actually cleared up for about a week when I first moved in, so for that week I was able to head staright to the beach after work each night.

Sadly, moving aside, the last few weeks have been possibly the dullest period since I left home in August. It has pretty much involved me sweeping, lifting, tidying, hammering, being shouted at in a range of languages (though mainly Persian) and wishing I was anywhere but work. I’m guessing most of you know how I feel…..apart from the being ordered around in Persian part.

After six months of doing as little as possible being thrown back into the world of work has been quite a shock to my system. After the feast has come the famine, and I have only allowed myself 2 days off this month in order to pay for my upcoming fun in New Zealand. I’ve been working ‘like a Japanese prisoner of war’ as Alan Partridge would say.

As I have been doing very little in the way of exciting exploits I thought I’d give you a run down on my working situation, which to be honest, is like nothing I have experienced before. The house I am helping renovate is in Bondi and has an incredible view of the city, Harbour Bridge and Opera House from the first floor.

My boss (an Iranian Swede) doesn’t have the greatest command of English, so I spend a large part of my day telling him what his tools are called. His favoured terms of description when asking me to fetch a particular item are generally ‘that’, ‘the yellow one’ and ‘Michael Jackson’. I think my favourite quote from him came earlier this week, when, after asking me to look for a Stanley Knife, he told me to ‘not look for my tools like that, as it makes me nervous’. For the rest of the day I only allowed myself to use my sense of smell when looking for whatever piece of equipment was needed.

The jobs I generally get given are usually as pointless as the one given to the man who was installed as Head Deckchair Floorplanner on the titanic ten minutes after the cry ‘iceberg ahead!’ had been heard.

Last Monday much of the day was spent taking floor boards from the front of the house up to the first floor, before the owner came round and decided he didn’t like them after all. I then took them downstairs and lay them back in the position they were in originally in so they could be returned to the supplier. Then the following day I was given the job of taking them all back up to the first floor again. Then the day after that I moved them back to the ground floor, but to the back of the house this time.

On the positive side these pointless tasks do allow me to get paid at the end of each week, so I can’t grumble too much.

Anyway, Friday was my last day, so if anyone needs some work there is a job going. The hours are long and the pay is bad, but if you’re after a combination of desperation, bewilderment and hilarity then it might be right up your street.

To relieve the craziness of work I have made sure that I have had lots of fun on my 2 days off this month.

On day off 1 I hit the road and took a trip to Palm Beach. Those of you not familiar with Sydney and it’s surrounding beaches, Palm Beach is the beach used in Home and Away. To be honest I expected more, but Home and Away is no Neighbours, so I wasn’t too upset by this.

Day off 2 saw me take a visit to my first sporting event in Australia, the A-League Grand Final at the Sydney Football Ground. The A-League is the Australian football league, and the final happened to be in Sydney, so Hexham and myself headed down and found a local tout to purchase some tickets from to witness the Newcastle United Jets take on the Central Coast Mariners.

At this point can I just apologise to Hexham and his good lady, Louise, for forgetting to mention them in my last blog entry. After returning from the coast they kindly put me up for several nights at their house in what Hexham tells me is the second wealthiest suburb in Australia. I can vouch for this, as whenever I told people where I was staying during that period I would always be greeted with a ‘ooohhhhh!!!!!’.

WARNING: Extended football chat follows. Anyway, the grand final is one of those farcical affairs in which a league championship is played, but after each team has played a home and away fixture against each representative in the league, it is decided that the team with the most number of points isn’t actually the best team, so they must have a one off game to decide who is the can be crowned the champions. It’s essentially like the Premiership and the FA Cup rolled into one. The top 4 teams then face-off, though neither Hexham or myself can’t quite work out what the rules of this affair are, as one team can loose, but still make it to the grand final.

Hexham was pleased that we were sitting in the Newcastle United stand, and to finally end his lifelong wait for Newcastle to lift a trophy, when Mark Bridge scored the only goal of the game. Sadly for him it was the Newcastle of New South Wales and not his beloved Magpies that were crowned champions though.

A few observations:

In Australia they don't have a lower denomination coin than a 5 cent piece, yet they continue to price items at .99 cents. How does that work?

John Leslie, the disgraced Blue Peter presenter must live in Sydney now as I followed him around a shopping centre one day.

p.s. I wrote this blog entry over a week ago, but didn't have an opportunity to add to the interweb. I am now actually in New Zealand and will be giving you my thoughts on the incompetent fools posing as the English cricket team in due time.

Ciao.